All right, miss, real nice body there, but you should’ve known that there’s a zero tolerance policy on nudity in this park!

“Hey, Chief, I’ve got the ‘Swan Rapist’ right in my sights here, and you’re definitely going to believe this, he’s one of us!”

“Uh, hold on there, madam, we just need to take you in for questioning.”

“Whoa, relax here, deary, we’re not going to hurt you at all. Okay, not much. Oh, hell, who am I really kidding here? Honestly now, we damn well ain’t gonna hurt you nearly enough!”

“Ah, you guys are simply hilarious here! I can clearly see this town’s newspaper’s headline right now, ‘The Keystone Cops Infiltrate Swan Lake!'”

“Geez, easy there now, little fella, just look at the dismal way you’re waddling around here. Hey, that’s it, buddy, we’re running your sorry feathered behind in for public intoxication!”

“Okay, Frank, you grab him, I’ll club him, then you can cuff him!”
“Bill, how am I going to put handcuffs on him, he’s just a bird?”
“That’s your job, Frank, just do your job and I’ll do mine! Put the cuffs on his legs or something, I dunno. Look, it’s your freaking problem here, not mine!”

“Frank, you see how suspicious that swan walks there? I really think that he might be hiding something. Besides, look how dirty a lot of his feathers are? No, this guy is obviously up to no good here! We better bring him in before he can accomplish whatever fiendish plan he has in his very sick little birdbrain!”

“Oh, give me a break, fellas, just leave me the hell alone here! Of course to you, we are all supposed to look and act alike around here and that’s all the excuse that is needed with guys like you! You racists always pounce anyone who is walking while swan!”

“Aw, come on, Frank, don’t let this lousy jaywalker get away here! Bah, once he has a good chance to mingle in with the rest of them geese, we ain’t ever gonna find him!”

Amassed Wrong

Look, we already went over all of this thoroughly yesterday, honey,
asked and solidly answered, then asked the same ol’ nonsense once again,
forgive me, but that ratty board and its dirty pieces have been long put away,
now we’re following on to the progress of a rather different track, see,
because of what I learned from the record in our joint game back there,
so unless you don’t care about having to pointlessly move vacant players around,
I’d suggest that you sit your stubborn rump roast down a bit and be quiet.

Reading the transcript revealed much which you obviously weren’t intending,
and these ample findings are going to remain only for my private business, deary,
even if they originally came provided directly from the property of your unhinged mouth,
it’s a little too late, but you are of course free to remember or read this for yourself,
since nobody’s here to manipulate you into an automaton for one’s service or sport,
when it actually concerns all of us working together in an acceptable understanding,
instead of persistently battling firmly against each of our own best overall interests.

Moving far from your passionate drop, no matter how tearfully romantic it truly is,
on past the extreme visual gravity of that quite popular ghastly abyss charade as well,
to finally set upon the center of our honest problem being mysteriously prompted here,
without those emotional shakes and shrieks to wrinkle our fresh dry-cleaned clothes,
or also that boundless mirror within a mirror stretching toward debilitating eternity,
no, those monstrous vain soliloquies are knit tightly gagged and tied in that toy box too,
along a strap for my back to be later plunging beneath unknown depths of bitter darkness.

Done are we with that insipid credit roll to those supposedly responsible or of blame,
finished with their inevitable smiles, laughs, and loving hugs at a claimed destination,
spinning theatrically to view that winding yellow clay road and its charming surroundings,
coupled in sparkling twine for the final tally of their grossly vibrant sweepstakes present,
this terminal crowning above those wildly adamant with cheers, whistles, and applause,
as dimples mark a definitive check the size of a city bus pressed by your clamping grin,
bidding an affectionate farewell to all of you jealous losers trampled in this dazzling frenzy.

Whoo, baby, this party’s like, the most disgusting sack of bloody pus that I’ve ever had the awesome fortune to be at in!

“Relax, honey, I ain’t really possessed by like, the Devil or anythin’, but I can still like, easily spew guacamole twenty feet and spin my naughty head nearly clean off my shoulders!”

“Hell, let’s all like, take off our tops now and like, scratch each other’s skin until we’re all, you know, reeling numb with pain and things!”
“Lordy Lord, I’m real sorry here, but I think that I can like, hear my mommy calling for me to get like, my sweet rear back home on the double!”

“Hey, like where the hell are you going, honey? Rowrrr, this wicked party’s like, juss startling, I mean starting! Ha, I made a funny that was like, damn clever, you know! I’m gonna twat it on the ‘net later then force my precious slaves to like, weedtwat it out the ass and have everybody on the network literally in stitches!”

“Whoa yeah! ‘You’ve got your mother in a whirl. She’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl!’ Like, that’s so true, baby!”
“Geez, I’m not even sure that you’re human!”
“Aw, easy there, sweetie, like what does it matter if I’m human or not? I’m only statin’ some totally righteous words to like, live by, but mostly to die by! Ah, are you like, ready to die, babe?”
“What? Am I ready to die? Uh, no, instead I am damn ready to find my totally righteous way the hell out of here!”

“Urrgh, come on, ladies, howl like a banshee if you love Lucifer and if He like, you know, loves you back and whoever don’t join in is gonna be like, our little stuffed bitch for the entire night!”

“Ha-ha, don’t be so silly, girlfriend, hell can’t be a bad place! It’s gotta be like, a real screamin’ party with me and my sisters like, you know, getting all nasty and everythin’ with our damn sexy selves!”

“Bah, we were gonna have lots of fun sacrificing a virgin to She-Ra tonight, but like, we couldn’t find one! Hey, are you like, a virgin, sugar?”

“My God, so that’s where they’ve been hiding the refreshments! I’m simply famished up in this here party!”
“Ugh, you can go like, chase after that kiddie kibble, deary! I’ll juss like, sustain myself here on this absolutely bangin’ Motley Crue groove and what’s left of my smoldering awesome high on death!”

“Oh puhleeze, girly, don’t run away like dat! I was like, only kiddin’ ’bout puttin’ my whole fist up in ya! Like we can always, you know, start out with jess two fingers instead if yer gonna get all, you know, sensitive like!”