Wedlocked

Hey, everybody, I’ll grant you three guesses,
as to which of these two fingers,
being generously held up in clear view,
is really meant for you!

See, we are smiling in front of your camera, fool,
okay, check out my face once again,
behold a blissfully current visage,
revealing perfect expressions of relaxation and calm,
presented by a mighty happy camper, you total dunce!

Look, read my lips, croupier,
plainly I said, ‘I do,’ and not, ‘I dude,’
considering we obviously know,
who’s the man of our union,
oh, and kindly drop that flowery garbage too,
remember you’re conducting a straight marriage!

Then stop telling me yourself, woman,
I’m refused the normal human right to cry,
when this is my wedding day,
and it’s a damn lie,
complaining it happens at all your joinings,
because we are attending mine now,
since it’s hardly your nosy photographer only,
finding a way of getting under my skin,
given the entire bleeding lot of you are itching there,
lazily resting on a very sore muscle,
kicking your dirty feet to choke off an artery!