Sorry, we gotta frisk you for weapons, Congressman, since you are so against our gun control bill!


“It’s really nothing, Congressman, just a formality. If we are to go along with your proposal, we need to thoroughly inspect what we are purchasing. Oooo, nice abs here! Do you happen to work out?”

“Hey, I think I’m having a heart attack!”
“Okay, hold on, we will have to put this to a vote. All in favor of Congressman Anders having a heart attack say, ‘Aye!'”

“Don’t bother trying to cry out, Congressman, because there is no one that is going to come to your rescue since we are only being broadcast on C-SPAN.”

“Watch that breath, Congressman, it is positively lethal! What, did the Ryan budget plan crawl into your mouth and die there?”

“Ha-ha, Congressman, but thems just the breaks ’round here! Stopped you in the nick of time from breaking your all-time speaking record!”

“Come on, man, that’s a naughty word out of your mouth again! Where’s another quarter for our ‘swear jar,’ Congressman?”
“Hey, boys, I got your quarter right here, firmly buried up my…!”
“Okay, that’ll now be fifty cents!”

“Relax, man, this is merely part of our new health plan in Congress, that not only should our records be made public, but so also should the examinations.”

“Welcome to your initiation, Congressman! As a member now, please hold still while every other member here gets to personally touch you!”


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