Underfoot 2

We don’t really care because we’re safe and dry in the flesh,
and your plain horns reveal that you can’t control yourself,
not exactly what anybody should be looking for to know,
pathetic greedy little mother giving a so-called free show,
while it’s us who are supposed to suck it up on our knees,
drinking your flavorful libation of no substance, yet pleases.

You easily brought down that giant blue marlin,
even with a majority of the hook in your jaw,
above floating with their sweltering plantation,
busy retelling other folk’s history as your own,
employing millions on next to starving wages,
where they are unable to get out from under.

Trust is earned some way whether it is right,
precious metals are still dug from the ground,
a gentle rain of forty inches will cause a flood,
politicians lie their best through a lovely smile,
as hospital bills continue to mount far beyond,
that someone is going to have to pay sometime.

I understand, except it harshly trudges against my instinct,
don’t honestly have to hear any since I didn’t ask for this,
vinegar needs to be mixed with oil to make me swallow,
adding in a whole lot more if you truly want us to follow,
seems basic maybe, but we weren’t raised on that course,
this method of yours giving credence to grief and remorse.

Paleeze, obviously I realize this offensive play seems rather goofy, but the quarterback wants us to practice his new proposal!

FootballPlayersInLine

“Ah, it’s just a plunge to the left,
and you’re on the right knee,
with your right hand on your hip,
you bring the left hand to your thigh,
yet it’s those butt cheek crunches that really drives you crazy!
Let’s do ‘The Tight End’ again!”

“Come on, guys, we gotta keep perfecting this until we get our Tebowing down pat!”
“Aw, but, bro, I don’t even believe in God!”
“Hey, that don’t really matter, dude, because honestly, neither does anybody else!”

“Oh wow, that new player is such a freaking Adonis that he makes me go weak in the knees!”
“Bah, don’t be silly, man, I saw him way before you did! Excuse me, but he’s mine!”
“Give me a break, fellas, since we’re all clearly down on the field, we must have all seen him at the same time! Look, we got no choice except to share him between everyone like the human buffet that he truly is!”

“Ha, if we try pulling off this weird stance during the game, we’ll really throw the other team for a serious loop wondering what the hell we’re actually up to! Whoa yeah, and because they absolutely won’t know how to respond in order to mount a credible defense, they’ll simply fall helplessly to the grass only mumbling and violently drooling on themselves, so of course then we’ll win by a mighty default!”

Passive Maniac

Ah, dress it up and down to the high nines,
now enjoy your drive or pull beyond to fly,
beat that stick firmly against your tight skin,
to feed them hungry wolves hanging around,
slobbering across your stage for exhibition.

Whisking off to savor any desert conflict,
and bug out when things get far too hot,
suddenly we’re hardly as strong as thought,
here ready at a moment’s notice, then not,
much better pounding from miles above.

So, shut it all up and down to hear me today,
you were barely serious back there on display,
but it sure felt good to pretend you were wise,
without listening as you merely claimed to be,
holding that medal of bravery over your heart.

Living large on top of the other pundits,
a hundred years draping that small rabbit,
before it promptly disappears by magic,
never to gain another chance at this gift,
except it’s okay since you were kidding.

Ha, lie about it up and down to forget how,
washing their blame on to somebody else,
from that overflowing river of you cowards,
rushing inside a burning uninhabited building,
arms loaded with an empty saturated towel.

Urrgh, what a hellish nightmare! Watch out, everyone, definitely don’t watch candy, sausage, and now, cheese, being made!

WhatAMess

“Come on, people, it’s not like we’re making cheese here or something, you don’t have to be quite nearly this delicate since we need this bathroom thoroughly cleaned up way before the lunch rush!”

“Ah, and here, ladies and gentlemen, is where we painstakingly separate the rich gluck from the rest of the muck.”

“Yikes! See, I told you guys that you had far too much water in with that rice! Hey, do you think we maybe could try passing the liquid off as soy milk? Right, like any of them sorry vegan nuts can honestly tell the difference when they’re probably high to the rafters on pot anyway!”

“Yeah, this still ain’t exactly how my dear grandmother, God rest her soul, used to make French toast, but at least you guys are certainly showing a lot of improvement over your pitiful performances of yesterday.”

Fake Maybe

I’m not lost or found,
and never was or will be either,
that means you are really lost instead,
sinking quickly through your sand castle,
hands flailing about in a sheer panic,
without a use for your grappling hook,
further down into the eternal darkness,
a completely static existence,
unseen and unheard,
not even interested in reclaiming viability,
also doesn’t matter how many join in,
this block of ice is still always melting.

You’ll look through the whole alphabet,
tracing back from which you came,
most of us got its significance,
of course while you didn’t,
except that remains just our business,
prominently displayed for a lesson,
listed every single day with love,
totally free and rejected all the same,
because you wanted acquainted flavoring,
to lecture as you’re dropping attention,
granted anyone new’s tenure,
on fire, nearby the drying water of care freedom.

Hey, what are you looking at? See, we only got ol’ Smokey in here to make certain Mom puts out all of her lousy cigarettes!

BearInCarWithGirl

“Aw, Mom, that real creepy guy is staring at us again!”
“Easy there, Sarah, he could be mentally challenged.”
“Uh, then why the hell is he even driving a car?”
“Geez, I don’t know, Sarah, but we’ll just leave him alone to figure this for himself.”

“Puhleeze, buddy, just because he’s my damn blind date, don’t mean that I have to sit next to him in the car!”

“Come on, dude, what’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a bear before?”
“Er, no, surely not one riding around in a car.”
“Ha, what, would you rather he was merely strolling down the city streets or something? Wow, Mom, we got ourselves a live moron over here, better hurry up and put some distance between us!”

“Look, mister, at least he smells a whole lot better than you probably do and doesn’t make near as much noise either!”

“Relax, man, you don’t have to get all frightened on us now! Excuse me, we simply asked if you had any honey with you.”

“Man, I gotta warn I’m really a touchy-feely person who doesn’t take no for an answer!” “Ah, then you’re gonna be a dead person!”

MimeSurprise

“Urrgh, you frustrate me so much I could seriously murder you!”
“Hey, you can’t kill me since you’re a doctor and your cardinal rule is to first do no harm!”
“Correct, but it doesn’t mean that afterwards we can’t do any harm. Besides, you just broke a mime’s cardinal rule of communicating without speaking, now I think you can forgive me if I break one lousy rule myself!”

“Look, I’m not actually a mime, I only dress up like them because I happen to honestly think that angry men are very attractive!”
“Well, then you better be prepared to witness the best looking man you’ve ever seen!”

“Whoa, don’t shoot, mister! Come on, please try to control yourself!”
“Aw, I don’t even have a gun.”
“Don’t be silly, gorgeous, who said anything about a gun?”

“Oh my God, do you mean this big?!”
“No, I keep telling you, they were this big! Jesus, why do you have to constantly overemphasize everything?”
“Ha, now it is you who is overemphasizing here, because I am clearly not Jesus, I am plain ol’ Jesse!”

“Relax, bro, aren’t you going to ask me why my face is so pale?”
“Let’s see, could it perhaps be that you painted it that way?”
“Ugh, you’re certainly no fun at all today! Wow, you’re lucky I also find that extremely attractive in a man as well!”

Above Everybody

These ain’t spread about for your dire enjoyment,
weren’t originally made to be taken advantage of,
you know how it first always goes so easy,
hearing a key’s under the mat or over the door,
then our whole damn neighborhood is in on it.

I guess you don’t have any valuable secrets,
can’t hardly understand the worth of our rarities,
unless you’re obviously investing in the beginning,
since it finally resonates once you’re heavily involved,
while us remaining pick at crumbs from the platter.

Take a cold head and bring it to the sweltering bottom,
shorts frowned upon sound now like strong rebellion,
whether flying on them frosty slopes in your navel,
or baking your extremities of untamed beaches,
busy crossing them oceans to conquer even more skin.

Hell feels very grand here beneath my tired feet,
that pesky demon ain’t a match for how I’m prepared,
weighing down my right shoulder as an ominous stroke,
to exorcise this practically unless dead hand of its voice,
where we can concentrate on what’s really the afterlife.

At last our ashes and bones churn in the bubbling mud,
for who kept us alive is currently rejoicing this end,
nasty insects without an honest relevancy to anybody,
because a hug couldn’t possibly do one some harm,
and of course you’re correct because instead it’s our totality.

Just relax, if you kids think that’s uncomfortable, you’re at least under a cool roof while we’re baking out in the open sun!

BlindfoldedMenAndSoldiers

“Come on, guys, we can plainly hear you still talking up a storm over there! Geez, when the hell are you gonna start hiding so we can finally begin seeking out your sorry olive green rump roasts?”

“Hey, you should be honestly thanking us that you’re blindfolded, now you don’t have to look at your ugly selves!”

“Damn it all, caught by the fashion police yet again! Paleeze, I told you dudes already that we shouldn’t have been wearing this much freaking red on our otherwise quite splendid attire!”

“Aw, give us a break here, boys, stop looking so bored and quit that lousy slouching as well! God, your pitiful mothers must seriously have their rotten hands full with you losers every day!”

“Excuse me, did you men say that you would like chairs now? Bah, don’t be silly, do you see any of us sitting on chairs here? Uh, ha-ha, of course at the moment, you don’t, but that’s beside the point! Er, what was the point I was trying to make anyway? Oh yeah, request denied!”

Yeah, it’s simply known as ‘Good Friday’ to everyone else, yet at my modest residence, every Friday is ‘Great Friday!’

CatholicOrthodoxTwoPopes

“Okay, we’ll just do this kiss right at this point as a mere tiny polite peck on the cheek, but of course later on tonight in secret, we can certainly go a whole helluva lot further than only that!”

“Aw, please have some patience with me, Your Holiness, because I’m understandably not used to kissing adults and it’s really very embarrassing for me personally.”

“No, you clearly misunderstood, all I said was that I have some real primo weed stashed up in my hat that we can share together later when things have quieted down a little around here.”

“Oh, thank you for the fine compliment on my hat, Your Holiness. Hey, this reminds me, you might like to know that I also have an exquisite pair of matching earrings that I wear only during our, now how shall I say, more intimate private sessions.”

“Right, the four men that I have adorning my hat are represented as the kings in a deck of playing cards that we use back at the ol’ house for poker night as well.”

“Yes, I do realize that this kiss between us is going to be a wee bit awkward at best. Probably like, say when one had to kiss an uncle for instance. Ah, except in my case, mine turned out to be actually a pretty fair kisser.”